Master Cleanse 2008 (Lemonade Diet)

Day 5.

No aches, no pains, no hunger. But I’m fed up with the Master Cleanse. I’ve lost nearly all my motivation. Today’s salt water flush was a total chore. Basing my life around two hours of spewing bright yellow liquid from my bum-bum seems, in every way, like a massive waste. Every time I thought I was finished I’d be back on the throne just minutes later gushing more arse-vomit. I certainly didn’t feel cleansed. The novelty has worn off and I’m stuck here crapping yellow goo for two hours then drinking yellow goo for fourteen more.

You must think me quite a twerp after reading all my previous posts. All that grandiose determination seems empty in the light of this current, unjustified crisis. But I wrote it mainly because it was self-motivating. And although it even seems stupid to me at this moment, I’m still glad I wrote it and published it online because it’s one more barrier between me walking away from the master cleanse. Sure, pride and fear of public failure might be crap reasons to stay on the master cleanse but hopefully it will be enough to see me through this phase. I really don’t want to be one of those chumps who fail at this. The reasons they give are always so pathetic. You can clearly see how self-deluded they are when they’re bargaining with themselves: “Day 1. Me and my hubby decided we’ll just drink the lemonade during the day and just watch what we eat in the evening, make sure it’s a really healthy meal! Day 2. We didn’t do the salt water flush today. We don’t really have time. Day 3. I can’t believe we’ve already done three days!!” …oh fuck off.

Why am I feeling this way? Not sure. I think I’m not drinking enough of the lemonade. I drink between 1ltr and 1.5ltrs a day. That’s around 6 glasses. That was fine for the first four days but maybe the calorie deficit has caught up with me. I think I need to drink more water too. That’s what I’m going to do tomorrow, drink more -well, it’s not like I can do anything else!?

When I began this, I really didn’t think boredom would be the biggest threat to me completing the master cleanse. After the hunger pangs and the cravings, the master cleanse becomes a routine like any other.

Oh yeah, not really a proper craving, but I’ve been thinking about eating scrambling eggs. I never eat eggs. In fact, I was seriously allergic as a child. What is this cleanse doing to me? What a stupid day.